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Feh. March 30, 2007

Posted by Mitchell in Home.
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Today is not going well.  First, I wake up at the time I’m usually walking out the door to go to work.  I guess I’m just going to be late today.

 Nrrk.  My butt was just dragging all morning – I had to pour several cups of iced coffee down my throat to give me a caffine infusion to keep from conking out entirely.  Then Jonah puts up one of his damnable timewasters on The Corner and any hope of getting anything useful done this morning is entirely shot.

Lunch time – no time to pack anything of course so I glance at some menus of local eateries around here.  Baja Fresh!  It’s a quick-food Mexican place that doesn’t make you Feel Real Bad an hour after eating at it like the Twin Taco Hells of the Del and Bell.  I haven’t been there in a while.  One Burrito Ultimo with carnitas and a side of guac should hit the spot and hopefully improve my day.  A quick call and I’m on my way to pick up and bring back.

So, I saunter in and stand behind a lady picking up a HUGE order – two big bags of stuff.  For the whole office no doubt.  Anyway she staggers off with her load and I’m up.  The gal behind the counter asks for my name and I tell her.  She punches up my order. 

“Burritio somethingorother, Pronto Guac, and medium drink?”  Well, no – I didn’t order a drink, and I ordered a side order of guac, not the “Pronto Guac” which is a side order of guac with chips, but since you get chips with the burrito, that’s just too many chips, but they always push the “Pronto” at you for some reason.  Gotta move those chips, I guess. 

Anyway, I said “Yeah.”  I felt like getting something fizzy to drink after all and I could just deal with the chip surplus.  She has problems with the touch screen register thingy.  Mash.  Mash.  Mashmashmashmaaaasssh!  “Oh, Jesus.”  Maaaaaaash!  She concedes defeat to the unresponsive, overly touched and all touched out touch screen and it seems that the Lord doesn’t do Tech Support.   She makes change out of the other register.

I get my cup filled with ice and Mountainly Dewy fizziness and get some extra goodies from the salsa bar.   A cup of the pico de gallo, a cup of the hot, red salsa, a cup of the mild, green salsa, and a cup of the medium, black salsa.  Yes – black.  I’ve never seen black salsa before going to that place and rarely anywhere else.  It’s good though after I finish monkeying with it.  I pop the cups into my bag and head back to the office. 

The Burrito Experience

 

I get back and plop into my chair at my desk.  I open the bag and start doing the salsa.  Baja Fresh’s hot salsa is a little too hot for my taste, and the medium is a little too mild.  I also like mine chunkier and more tomatoey.  I pull out a small bowl and dump the pico de gallo, then the black salsa and a bit of the red.  Mix it up and voila!  Salsa just the way I like it.  I fire up the interwebberytubes and start checking up on the Usual Suspects. 

 

I unwrap the burrito and slather on some guac.  The first few bites of a burrito are always dominated by the tortilla.  You don’t get into the good stuff until you’re a ways in, typically.  Slather, eat, repeat.  I intersperse with chips and salsa while reading.  After a bit, I notice that Something Is Very Wrong.  The burrito does not taste right.  I peer into its unslathered innards.  Vegetableness as far as the eye can see.  No deliciously seasoned pork present.  They gave me the wrong burrito!  I pull out the receipt – yup it’s the Vegetarian Burrito.  GAH!  There isn’t even any cheese!

 

This sucks, but it’s too late to do anything about it of course.  I take a closer look at the receipt.  The name on it is one that is similar to mine, but a couple letters off.  I got someone else’s order.  Somewhere else some dude is gonna munch into my Burrito Ultimo and get a mouthful of pork when he does not expect it.  If there’s any justice in the world it will be some PETA prick who discovers, to his horror that he’s chewing on the FLESH OF A DEAD ANIMAL!!!!  I hope, too that he further discovers to his self-loathing and disgust that HE LOVES THE TASTE OF MURDER!!!

 

Alas, that will probably not be the case.  I eat the rest of the Burrito Inferiorimo without much enthusiasm and I eventually run out of salsa long before I run out of chips.

 

Oh well.  Back to work.

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Comments

1. Yenis Furl - March 30, 2007

‘effer.

2. PETA Prick - March 30, 2007

Aiieeee! I have been defiled, befouled, and…and…bemeated! Damn you, Enas Yorl.

3. Enas Yorl - March 30, 2007

Not my fault, they screwed up the order d00d. It was a good burrito though, wasn’t it?

4. Retired Geezer - March 30, 2007

We gots the Baja Fresh in Idaho, Man.

We likes it.

5. Enas Yorl - March 30, 2007

***UPDATE***

When the day starts wrong it tends to stay wrong. I was mostly useless for today. I figure it evens out though, since some days I pack in an overload of extra-advanced stuff. I’m doing pretty good on average, since I got a really good mid-year evaluation recently.


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