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Bathroom Behavior August 18, 2006

Posted by Mitchell in Home, Strange & Unusual.

Okay, how many of you out there like to use the tissue toilet cover things in public restrooms?  I don’t know what actual term for those things are but I like “Ass Gasket”.  We’ve got some Assgasketarians over here at the office and one of them did a very rude thing today.  Whoever the fellow was used TWO of those things and didn’t bother to remove them or flush Mr. Hanky even.  I know some people are creeped out by germs & whatnot but come on!  Anyway, that got me to wondering – at what point in life do you decide become a member of Assgasketarianism?  Has the thought of your naked, pristine butt-flesh touching something that some other butt-flesh touched always given you heebie-jeebies?  Is this something that gets taught by parents?  What do Assgasketarians do when they are someplace that doesn’t provide assgaskets?  Do you make your own assgasket out of toilet paper or something?  I betcha that’s what you do.  Well, I would imagine the Assgasketarians worst nightmare is finding yourself in a stall with NO assgaskets and only enough paper to either wipe or create the assgasket – but not both.  What do you do?

What do you do??!!



1. kevlarchick - August 18, 2006

squat. That is all.

2. Enas Yorl - August 18, 2006

OHO! The hover method! Of course, I should have known. Assgasketarians convert to Hovertarinalism! Those are the truly dedicated pristine butt-flesh preservationists. Hovertarinalists sneer at Assgasketarians – who would trust mere tissue paper to protect ones posterior from Mighty Morphin’ Mutant Microbes? No indeed, there must be some air gap betwixt butt and seat. Gotta have good, strong thigh muscles to be a Hovertarianalist. Or really fast. They are probably also the type to operate the flush handle with their foot.

3. Retired Geezer - August 18, 2006

I use one even when I stand up to pee.

Just kidding, but I do try to flush with my foot.
Do Arabs use toilet paper?
Wait, wrong blog, I gotta go see HayZeus.

4. Elzbth - August 18, 2006

I was raised by a dedicated Hovertarinalist who also taught me to use a paper towel to open the public bathroom door. This is the first I have heard of the foot maneuver, however. Hey, you guys, flush with your hand and then use soap! Stop putting public restroom floor germs on the toilet handle!

5. Purple Avenger - August 21, 2006

…make your own assgasket out of toilet paper or something?

I get irked when the remains from that assembly is hanging down in the bowl and over the sides. Oh yea, their butt is to be pristine, but its perfectly fine for someone else to be forced to handle that crap after they’re done. GMAFB.

If I ever catch some cretin in the act of abandoning that junk for me, I’m going to give’em a swirlie or two…as a bathroom etiquite reminder.

6. Retired Geezer - August 21, 2006

Hey this is the perfect thread to ask this question:

Assume you’re a guy.
Easy for Enas and I but maybe not for Elzbth.
As any shorts-wearing guy will attest, when standing up to use the facilities, there is a certain amount of … um… unintended splashing.
Less so in the urinals but a surprising amount of splatter when using the sit-down recepticle while standing.
Here’s the problem.
You go into the booth, close the door, make ready and then notice that in the next booth the other person is sitting down and wearing sandals.
What to do?
You know from past experience that liquid dropping from 2 feet will cause some residual splashing out of the bowl.
When your neighbor detects it will he think you urinated on his feet?

Since Enas works for the Water District, I will trust his judgement in these matters.

7. Enas Yorl - August 21, 2006

When your neighbor detects it will he think you urinated on his feet?

Probably – almost certainly after I tell him “Dude! I’m totally peeing on your feet! Sucks to be a sandal guy eh?”

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